:: Dreams and Other Chimera ::

:: 30.7.02 ::

Ola.
Tiredness and all that has set in. I don't mean to whine, but, If you add up the total hours that I was in bed, you get approx. 8. However if you add up the total amount of sleep, you get about 3. Insomnia sucks.
Aside from that there hasn't been too much to report. Still eating, working and playing as normal. More silliness to come tonight.
In my brain this segue's into a question about the human condition, Is it better to have high expectations and have them consistantly crushed or to lower them and never have life live up to par, but not be exciting except in vague terms and senses. I dunno, it seemed important to me at the time. anyway, thats all for now.

:: James [+] ::
...

Well, at long last I post. Today was cool, in a bunch of ways. It started mediocre, and then progressed into not half bad, and then, finally into this is ok. The ending was cool though. I tried somenthing that I haden't tried in a long time and it worked out kinda cool. The people I did it with rocked at it too, so it wasn't too hard to get right. But thanks anyways to all those who made it happen, you know who you are. Tomorrow I have money again, so I can do the gas/food/extra's thing again. Anyways, aside from that its cool. I am enjoying my days, and so thats all good. My evenings are all pretty packed so thats cool, so everything is good.

On the philosophy front there hasn't been too much new happening. Vague ruminations about Tori Amos and her upcoming tours. Most artists that I listen too seem to get less apealing to me with the more releases they do, so I hope that I like her new disk Scarlet's Walk as much as prior releases. Aside from that. Peace.

:: James [+] ::
...

Well, folks. Not James here tonight. it's me. The other guy. Attraction, eh? Attraction can be a real bitch. I'm feeling fairly bitter right now, and don't know if I should or should not be voicing my two cents right now, but hey. If I feel bitter, obviously I'm s'posed to feel bitter. Social etiquette be damned.This starts my rant for the night. I'm just a guy, average joe. I eat, work, come home, eat more and sleep like the rest. And like some lucky few, I actually managed to fall victim to attraction for someone. And like the unluckier many, lost'em. And now, it's been awhile, but it seems like everytime I try to get a handle on things, this one ugly issue raises it's ugly head and fucks everything up. And no, I'm not drunk. Is it like this for everyone who loses someone they really love? And I don't mean your first "friend' or lover or person you married, but the one person whom you could honestly say, without a shadow of a doubt, good, bad, ugly, that you loved. If so, on behalf of the universe at large, I'm sorry. As most of us who really understand the angusih here (whether a five year old girl who lost her dog or the 87 year old widower who's wife just died) might feel that life is unfair, or that we have been dealt a bum hand, and feel sometimes like the universe owes us a great big apology for the biggest kick in the nuts ever, then I apologise. On behalf of everyone who has ever fallen out of love and not known it, on behalf of every dog who ran away, on behalf of everyone who couldn't be there when they were needed, I'm sorry. To those people whose partners got so caught up in the rat race that they seemed to forget about you, and for those who slaved their asses off while trying to keep their dreams and relationships alive, I give a great big apology. I beg forgiveness from all those who have ever been shot down due to god, creed, or color. I offer atonement to those who love unrequited. I offer a hug to those who have noone, for to be neither wanted nor needed is the worst feeling in the world. We are all wanted somewhere, and we are all needed sometime, so keep up the faith. I offer a shoulder to those who need to cry, and a tear for those who can't or won't. I offer a home to those who are on their own, and have not respite, no retreat, nowhere else to go. I give a smile to those who feel laughter left them long ago. I offer company to the lonely, and kinship to the lost. A toast to those brave yet unappreciated souls who can take on this challenge called life head on and survive.

I salute the knights in shining armour, May you find the fairytale endings which noone believes are real and live happily ever after in spite of the world.

Funny thing these knights. They're never around when you need them, are they? Look again. If there isn't one around, then it must be you, so step up. As for me, I'm just a guy. An average joe. A knight in jaded armour. One of the damned in distress. And if noone can be what I need, then I will be what I didn't have for the rest. I mean, someone's got to. Right?

so why don't I feel any better...

:: The Other Guy [+] ::
...

On attraction:

Recently I've been thinking about attraction. In general really. Ive been wondering if mass can have more than one meaning, or, more appropriately, can have more than one dimension of existance. I see gravity, which is a form of attraction really, happen in other circumstances that are less scientifically defined than gravity. I see all sorts of gravity in other circumstances however. Take social dynamics, you have a normal line, of people who are normal, and then off of that line you have the extremes, on one axis out of the bell curve you have social introverts and extroverts, on another axis you have leaders and followers. It seems to me that whenever you have these concentrations, all the others are pulled in. There will be exceptions, but they will be few. But I am struck at how, on a timeline people in general will gravitate towards the norm. Another example of this is in humans political leanings. you have the right wing and the left wing, but on a longer timeline, intelligent people (I ignore the other kind, generally) will begin to see good things about the other side of the spectrum and moderate their own opinion. Thats who I blame for the moderation in recent elections, where the votes are near tied. It falls from the fact that there is no real sensational issues that haven't already been beaten to death. I am sure that when the next sensational issue comes out that the partys are divided on that a greater and more lobsided spread of votes will turn out. Continuing the example, however, is the fact that most of the major political parties tend to resemble each other after a longer peroid of time. The good ideas get plagerized off of each other, the end up with different ways of saying the same thing, and end up at the same spot but from different points of approch. And then they are a larger clump of ideals lumped togeather that other things will have more attraction to. I realize that the rule is lessened taken further into the realm of individual expression, but it still expresses force, like Herr Smith's Invisable Hand and related teachings. I wonder weather the humans will eventually unify in thought and action as the genetic structure of humans reaches a greater time line. From a fundamental area, human evolution allows for so many differences in current humans because of our support sturcture and because the range of tasks that we can do effectively has reached a huge scope. Now that that has happened, once humans stop exponentially expanding their activities, then the structure should settle to the point that there will be no differences in members of the race, save in sex and experience. Well, not no difference, but a smaller one. Once that happens will we all unify in thought as well? And as such have stagnated beyond any hope of redemption? Or, on the other hand we could go the other way, keep inventing things to do until the race fragments and we have subraces that have adapeed to one section of the human condition. You have humans who are space explorers, and ones who are technicians, and ones who are buerocrats, and ect... In the end genetic engineering will be used to simply guide the subspecies down their own yellow brick roads. It is a sad reality, however. On one hand we will have a race of unified humans, the differences in eachother in thought form and action becomming smaller and smaller until they have become all that humans will be, or you will have a series of metahumans which all have a constantly expanding function but loose compatability with the other sub races, essentially fueling a disporia of human genetics to become metable to whatever is needed.

What is needed?

:: James [+] ::
...

Hello, and sorry for the long idle. I have been retuning myself to non vampiric life lately, which mostly means waking, working, trying to figure out what the heck to do, and sleeping, however, I did get 2 whole weekends in a row off. its kinda cool. So on my first weekend off I slept. well did some stuff with my friends and slept. On the last one (which I was proud to extend to 4 days off) I went to hell. Or, more commonly called saskatchewan. It was rostin. Pounding sun, scorched earth, sunburn, heatstroke, and the like. I spent most of it in the big tent that some friends of mine own. I was helping cook and stuff. Usually, however, since its one of those wacky SCA things, I fight. Put on my armor, pick up a bow and some arrows, and start hunting generals. This time I didn't. Don't get me wrong, I would have loved to, but it was too hot, and my armor is too small. Aside from that, life is quite, waiting for the storm to hit, I am sure it will soon, and I hope we get some rain.

:: James [+] ::
...