:: Dreams and Other Chimera ::

:: 26.6.03 ::

*Sorry folks, I was gonna put this up last night then Blogger went into its cocoon to mutate on me*

Amazing, I phoned a number, and a more or less random person answered the phone. Then we proceeded to talk. About life, the universe and everything. Strangely enough, we spent most of our time talking about music. Now I know and collect alot of music. Strange and lonely bands that no one has ever heard of. I keep track of trends that make no impact to the local scene. I don't dance, and no bands that I like really ever come here, so I just collect and listen. However I spent a reasonable sum of time discussing strange and unusual music. That was cool.

Apparently Angel finally had some of my tea, this was also cool. I mean, *cough... what arsenic... cough*. Now all I need to do is set aside some time to try it myself. That shall come. Small tip, As your more likely to read this before I talk to you, keep it in a ziploc baggie in the freezer now that its open.

Getting away to go away for the weekend. Feeling sorta apprehensive, but what can you do. Hopefully I can enjoy the being awayedness.

I hate deja-vu... I just got a flash of it there, the shape of the lines on the monitor I dreamed 4 nights ago. I know it sounds strange, but deal.

Aside from that the only thing of note was the kaber toss that happened recently. I was at a friends place and they have a park, and there was a guy in it tossing a kaber. I asked if I could give it a try and here I am, un squished by the mighty kaber. I can apparently lift it off of the ground, though tossing is a little beyond my ability.

lastly, two of my favorite friends from the south coast are back online. Cyn is back up on the airwaves, and JF is back discussing her plot to take over the world with me.... I think that's how that goes anyway.

Anyway, I should be back to sully your thoughts soon.

Wow... a life update, Who woulda thunk it.

:: James [+] ::
...

Some days I forget how much I used to like live roleplaying. Its not that I dislike it now, but I find that my tolerance for it has gone downhill. A friend of mine and I have had this discussion a couple of times. It goes something like this:

1. We roleplay (oh sin of sins)
2. We are snobs in that we request and require high calaber games.
3. Most live games out there are about 1/3 serious, and 2/3 not.
4. It is much easier to get character depth and story vibrance from Tabletop games.

So we mostly play the tabletop games. But days like today make me wonder.

The organizers were on the ball and had time for everything. The players were serious and mostly in character. When the gathering got boring they pulled an impromptu event out of nowhere. It was all designed at being fun. And it was, for the first time in a long time.

This is not to catagorize all the games I've ever been at, there is one that Lazarus runs that is all serious, but for some reason I just didn't enjoy it. Having reflected on it, I think that that reason might have been that the background story leads itsself to inter-competitiveness amongst the players (somthing that I don't care for) and that most of the players throw themselves so far into the game that it almost isn't a game anymore in alot of cases.

Now, to broach the comming question, yes, this is a hypocritical statement. I only like serious games but this game was way too serious for me. So be it, I live in the state of hypocracy somedays and disdain it on other days. This, infact, is a hypocritical viewpoint. However I find none of the self loathing that most people say is inevitable from being this way. Its simply my way. To be a little of everything, and alot of some things means that I'm going to have to be somewhat like this, and completely not like it at all.

Confused yet?

Its ok though. To get back to the point, I found that I enjoyed tonight, I suprised myself at some of the things that my character did, and I loathed myself because of some of the things my character did. Its great when you get far enough into character that you think like him or her.

Anyway, I have to bed as I have to squash in 7 hrs.

:: James [+] ::
...

I told people that I was going to blog last evenings (well actuall 2 ago now, technically) events, however I have no way to describe them and my thoughts about them without being blunt. And blunt is not something I do here(well, I have but I really dislike doing it). This blog is more about subtlety. And of course madness. A favorite quote of mine is 'The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad.' Don't ask me who said that because I have no idea. Anyway, it makes the point. I revel in being different and occasionally obscure.

That being said, I think I may avoid BP's for a while. I just don't seem to have too much fun there anymore, and its a little too crowded for me. Of course, that may just be the tired talking.

Anyway, I'll try to think up some other random madness for you guys over the next couple days, but last weeks and this weeks flurry of posts has left my thoughts too mundane to share.

:: James [+] ::
...

List of stuff's for those in the know.

Currently Have Built:

1 MSI KT4V Motherboard
1 AMD Duron 700 Processor
1 256 MB Dimm
1 Maxtor 80GB Hard Drive
1 Stylish Case
1 CD-Rom
1 10baseT NIC
1 Case Fan

Soon to be bought/added:

2 512 MB Dimm
1 AMD Athalon (XP or MP) 2.1-2.3 GHz Processor
1 Soundblaster Live Sound Card
1 Radeon 9000 or possibly G-Force MAX Video Card
1 Maxtor 10GB Hard Drive
1 Plextor 12X Cd Writer.
2 Case Fan

:: James [+] ::
...

Bright blue hangs in the sky, like opium. Ephemeral and intangible it clouds around and taunts you with its presence. And you spin and spin, flailing madly as the water closes in. The solid is there as well, as the resistance builds. Then in a flash of bright your free again. To dance in the lightning and revel with the thunder.

As the mad spiral begins again you find yourself on your head, falling toward your feet. bending and twisting with the winds, playing in the clouds.

Regret, remorse. Freedom, joy.

Solitude.

The joy of another's mind.

:: James [+] ::
...

Do you feel the ice? They say the water's warm but the ice is coming. It'll creep in slowly when it comes, the temperature dropping degree by slow degree. And then you'll be trapped.

Trapped! Trapped! Its so crazy, you can't move, all you can do is bleed. Bleed the needed blood. Bleed deep.

Bleed till your dry.

I find nothing heartwarming in the process. I see it happen everyday. There is an answer to it, but most are too far gone to want to try. I would hurt too much to crack the ice, and waive their arms until the water's warm again.

For some a chunk or two of the ice is nice, to lay on and sun yourself. to rest your head on when you grow weary of treading the water But there still has to be room to swim, and to be free. Yes there are pitfalls in the water, and the chance of drowning is there, but the iron maiden that is to come is the alternative.

:: James [+] ::
...

Does how you see things affect them, or do the things affect them? Mabey a combonation of both. If I look at a square, and I do not see all the lines as being the same length, is it truely a square. It may be, but not to me. A square that is at a 45 degree angle to the plane of the observer (That usually being vertical) is not a square anymore. Has it changed?

With high levels of math you can literally map one object onto another. They don't need to resemble each other at all. Has it changed? Has your perception changed it?

It does pose a tricky question, is such math mechanically changing the object, or mearly your perception of it? Does all math change an object or mearly your perception of it? Calculus is designed to figure out things about something by viewing it in the context of another dimension.

So am I changing the way things are by viewing them in the context of another dimension (read: Metaphore) or are they changing the way I view them?

Sigh....

:: James [+] ::
...

I tried tonight, for you.

Mundane was all I had.

Until tomorrow.

:: James [+] ::
...

It is said, that when souls touch that one leaves a residue on the other, and as opposed. Now discounting the theroy of souls or their non existence for the moment, What does this mean, How much is imprinted? How much changes? How much is lost?

If half the soul were to imprint you would have two recripocal copies of one another, not quite the same, but too close to be different.

They say that something is left in a mag-storage device when it is wiped, that you can't ever restore a reusable device back to its original state, perhaps this is true. Mabey, though, you could use a large enough magnet to return them to their base state. Or then you could rip them to shreds.

There are devices out there that use large enough amounts of energy to force a ferro-magnetic device through a rapid acceleration. The resultant force is enough to turn a large portion of the accelerated mass into plasma while the rest is merely subjected to air resistance forceful enough to reshape it into a perfectly aerodynamic object, or as perfectly aerodynamic as the aerodynamics areodynamicly reshape it to be.

Line of sight is good enough for electrons, but never curve the line.

And meanwhile my axe rusts.

:: James [+] ::
...

A perfect cube, falling through black. Tangentally it intersects with a surface tension, and thus a expanding circle is formed. This circle however will intersect with a tension at right angles with it, thus another circle is born.

Now the point of origin is a sphere, not a circle, but the rest are circles? What does this indicate?

Transmission.

:: James [+] ::
...

Dancing in the Snow.

As the darkness stretches, bordered by light, its dichotomy reflected back by the pond just ahead. Two steps, two steps is all.

Its reality stretches and buckles, the tension holding it togeather, laws remain constant and strong. The first crunches and the second is the chime of a shaft of brilliance.

All is yet mundane, normal to out ward thinking. Is the third required, what about the fourth? as the bonds hold tight and the landscape is muted.

Why all this? Why the brilliance and the blight? Why are the differences of the kind so sharp, why do they move in the distance? As the riser forms a seat for you, the decision is made. A fourth, and fifth and sixth. And the seventh. And then all the possibilities are solid, and the choice has formed below you. The ice is solid.

:: James [+] ::
...

I have been outgeeked by the queen of geeks.

All hail the queen of geeks.

More to suffer through anon.

:: James [+] ::
...

Allright, Here we go.

I'm not sure how much of whats to come completely invalidates itsself, but here we go anyway.

Words. Alot of people will write their philosophies and tell you how important words are. They seperate us from animals (along with the opposable thumb) and therefore are our claim to fame. This I find to be true, but suspect. I think that soon vocabulary will become our crutch. Consider, How many words are currently in use for a given language? Thousands, and each one has its own meaning, No language yet has the ability to communicate with half the worlds population, so that means that at least 3 languages would be needed to be able to communicate. This isn't such a big problem. Lots of people have that many languages under their belt.

Of course, lots of people only speak one language poorly.

Another problem with this is all the duplicate words. Words that have an exact meaning match to a word in another language, or even to another word in the same language. This all means that on a conceptual level, we can only translate rigid ideas to form. Any concept that is not clearely attached to a word or group of words becomes harder to communicate. This has the good side effect of poetry and artistry, but once a layer of metaphor gets in the way, how effective is the communication? Now I know that metaphor is a good thing, it just tends to mess things up in that now you are letting someone elses interpretation get in the way of communication.

So is clear communication possible?

Probably somehow, however it may involve the entire human race becomming psycic or some other sort of nonlinear madness.

So, wherein is the solution to the proposed problems?

Well... there isn't

:: James [+] ::
...