:: Dreams and Other Chimera ::

:: 24.11.04 ::

All the stress, worry. All the fear, malice. Once you achieve the dance floor it all goes away. Replaced by the crushing realization that there are now too many people in to little of a space. Replaced by a fear that if everyone else breathes in, you will suffocate. But, as the raw anarchy of the event takes over you can worry again, surely the people are not that in unison.

You think back to that girl at the bar, to the people who you've talked to, to all that's happened so far tonight and you begin to worry about that, and everyting else. Soon you forget about the crowd.

Then, once again supplanting the current mode of your thought, the act open up. After the first strains, and straining in the light of everyone elses strain you catch glimpes of them and begin to feel uplifted and revel in their glory.

It begins innocently enough. A shove to the back, but in this place, with this many people, this means more than just a shove in the back. A shove in the back sends someone flying, into someone else, who bumps into someone else, who pushes someone else, and suddenly there's gaps in the crush. Just enough room to fly through and slam into some one else.

Soon you can only think tacticly, think about reaction, about pushing this guy to move over here and, now that you've been pushed and are flying , how to get your back or side to become your leading edge, so that the impact doesn't hurt you. Even as this thinking begins you also begin to bully. He pushed me first, so I'll push him, and so on and it can only expand.

you take a push bad and spiral, causing your elbow to hit someone high. All you can do is wince and try to look apologetic before you are pulled apart. Your elbows stay at or near your side by this time to minimize injury. By now all trace of the Act is forgotten as you writhe in the seething mass of people, all who add to the mass. Finally you begin to monitor other's behavior. That guy is too crazy, or this girl is getting crushed behind others, or that guy is way to woozy to be here, and begin trying to help them. This eventually gets you noticed and before you know it, more are comming your way.

Once again it happens innocently enough, you've been hit by the same guy a bunch of times running and, oh look, he's comming back again. Well, you can prepare, and before you think, he has been hoisted by his belt and collar and tossed over the crowd, onto some unsuspecting party of revelers. Well, thats fine as that goes. and then someone else wants up and so on. Soon, however, you feel the wedgie like feeling of being lifted and find yourself being the crusher of unsuspecting saps. It rumbles and tosses and bumps and then you find yourself being lowered to your feet, and directed around and back in.

The concert tonight was fun. How was your tuesday?

:: James [+] ::
...

So lets see, I've started doing more social stuff lately. Most of it is gaming though, which I enjoy doing, however I've been trying to include some variety. In that vein, I have made a character for James' Dogs in the Vinyard game. I'm not so sure that the character is what I wanted him to be, but he seems to be ok. We'll see how it plays out. I also made a character for Other's Earthdawn game, which, while it hasn't started yet, should help Other with the final bits of plot that he needs to get it started, now we just need a time to run it.

My parents have flown far far away. I hate it when the do that. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them, but I inherated a trait in which I worry about them all the time. I guess that it's a form of revenge for all the worry that I've caused them over the years.

I've started to slowly start to put myself out again In the hopes that I might eventually find someone to go out with. I've had a couple of results out of that, but need to start over again. I'm sure that eventually I'll find someone, but for now advice from my mother seems to be failing me. Course her advice seems to be one of those things that is nearly imperative... I just dunno.

I'm hoping to get out snowboarding later this month, but I probabally won't have money to. Man living on my own is great, save I have no money...

Anyway, thats all for now.

:: James [+] ::
...